Homemade Pumpkin Spice Creamer

*Insert obnoxious infomercial voice*

Are you tired of your coffee creamer choices? Sick of trying to be dairy free, only to be left with soy or partially hydrogenated oils for creamer? Are you disappointed in your favorite creamer when you read the label? WELL THEN TRY HOMEMADE! Too sweet? Just add less sweetener! Too pumpkin-y? (disclaimer on bottom of screen reads: There is no such thing as TOO pumpkiny, for demonstration purposes only) Just add less pumpkin! Not creamy enough? Simply adjust the fat/milk ratio! Imagine a world where you love the ingredients as much as you loooooove the fall spice flavor! Let your dreams become a reality with HOMEMADE PUMPKIN SPICE CREAMER!

 

Ok ok you get it. Here’s the basics:  pumpkin-spice-creamer

Good creamer comes down to a few ingredients:

Fats

Flavor

Creaminess

Sweet

 

For fats, we are gonna use a couple cans of coconut milk. Just plain, full fat, coconut milk. Throw em in the fridge for a day and DO NOT SHAKE THEM. When you take them out be careful not to disturb them, they are cranky little bastards otherwise. Like your toddler. But really, the fat at the top is what you want, not necessarily the thinner watery stuff under it. Scoop this white creamy denseness into your saucepan. Use the watery stuff for….something else. Google it. I can’t give you everything. I can tell you that I gave it to our dogs, who happily lopped it up and are still alive, unfortunately. I’m mostly kidding. You do realize I’m a cat person right?

 

For flavor, just feel free to dump your entire shelf of pumpkin spices in. Just kidding, but really, it’s up to you how much ‘spice’ you like in your mix. If you don’t have a ‘pumpkin spice’ mix, play around with cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, and allspice till you get it right. Google can help you too. Also obviously you’re gonna need some pumpkin! Make sure if you’re going the canned route that its 100% pure pumpkin, not pie filling.

 

Creaminess. You can’t just use straight coconut fat here ladies. As delicious as that would be, it would call for a slightly different recipe to make light and fluffy pumpkin pie whipped topping. Yes this is a thing you can make. Maybe I’ll post that up as we get closer to the holiday feasts. Anyways I’m getting away from the point, again. You gotta cut the fat with something, and still retain some creaminess. This is where you can pretty much do whatever you like, within reason. Can’t do soy? Great. Use cashew milk. Or almond milk. Or hazelnut milk. Or….you get it right? Use what you like. You could even use cow milk if you didn’t give a hoot about going dairy free. But then I would advise you to use heavy cream too, instead of the coconut fat, just FYI.

 

And last but definitely not least, is the sweetener. Since this is pumpkin spice, it’s only fitting you use real maple syrup. If you still use that fake syrup shit just go ahead and slap yourself. Love, me. Moving on, the amount you use is totally dependent on your tastes. Maybe you want it mildly sweet, maybe you want to die happily of diabetes. So start small and add more as you like. You don’t have to use maple syrup, you could use sugar, brown sugar, coconut sugar, honey, whatever. But I really think the maple flavor helps tie in the autumn flavors you’re seeking. Because BWB. (That’s basic white bitch, grandma)

 

You’re gonna whisk all of this together in your saucepan over low heat till it just starts to emit steam. If you’re a freak about textures you can throw it in your Vitamix or blender or processor to make it ultra smooth. Up to you. Then bottle that liquid gold up yo and refrigerate.

 

In conclusion, you’ve probably noticed there aren’t any amounts listed. That’s because I’m encouraging you to think for yourself. Get the main ingredients, start small, and experiment. What I like for my coffee is likely different than what you like. Ya know? But, if you simply cannot function with so much culinary freedom, I’ll give a sample barebones recipe to tweak as needed. Happy?

BAREBONES AS FUCK BASIC RECIPE THAT YOU SHOULD MODIFY TO YOUR TASTES

1 can full fat coconut milk, separated. 

1c ‘milk’ of your choice

Pumpkin pie spice, or a mix of spices to make pumpkin spice

1/4c pumpkin

1/4c maple syrup

touch of salt, or more, for a ‘salted’ flavor. Go wild, momma!